The Change

One of my all time favorite quotes is from Gandhi: “We must become the change we want to see in the world.” Spoken many years ago a statement that has survived the test of time, and seems more poignant today more than ever. I began to wonder, what did he mean exactly? As with this time of year the carols of love and goodwill to all on earth are echoed at every street corner. What can we do to change the world and bring an end to suffering? I would like to believe that if we want to truly change the world we need the greatest thing in the world – Love. Faith, hope and love – the greatest of these is love – I Corinthian 13. 13.

We must first begin by defining love. Love has so many different definitions. We have Homer’s definition of love as upholding honor, Socrates’ ideal forms as the perfect love, Aristophane’s soul mates and yet not one ever seems to fix perfectly. Jesus teaches us in the story of the Good Samaritan that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. This highlights to us that love is in the doing – in our actions, not in the ways in which we ritualized a loving life in spiritual practice – an hour on Sunday and all is forgiven and right in the world. The Levite and the Rabbi in the story from Luke 10:25-37 (New International Version), were the holy men of their time, walked by the injured man. The good Samaritan, the outcast, took pity for the injured man and took care of him at whatever the cost; a form of unconditional love or Agape.

Through love are we seeking to find completion or ourselves as Aristophanes suggests in Plato’s Symposium. Are we searching for our soul mate; where the responsibility of your happiness, love and completeness is in the hands of someone else? This idea of seeking love from someone does not feel encompassing enough as a definition for love. If we are to change the world with love with this ideal then someone else always has control over it. You are at the mercy of someone else and their whims.

Are we better off to become more whole first, to know ourselves well before seeking out love? Again feels a little closer to a love definition we could work with, in the idea that Gandhi suggests by changing from within. I like this idea of love in that love drives and inspires us to attain a higher form of love for ourselves and for others. We make changes to our lifestyle, physique, our confidence in order to gain greater virtue or quality character in the eyes of our beloved. According to Aristotle this leads to a perfect or just society.

Personally I am still struggling to incorporate definitions from the great teachers. I continue to decipher the experiences I have had with love in my life and what would best work for a just, peaceful, loving world. I find myself unsure of how to say ‘I love you’. I did not grow up in a home where hugs and kisses and ‘I love you’ were given freely. But love was known. Our family was well cared for and supported – love in our house was in the doing. Was this a lesser form of love? Maybe to some, but I believe it is a valuable form to learn and experience.

Today, you could say love has been corrupted and watered down by the separation of the loving act of love (sex) and love itself. In today’s society we are having sex without love and do not deem it necessary to have sex. Where does this lead us? We become objects and not people, dispensable. We become distracted, stressed and in search of something that make us feel better. Instead of turning within to discover the real reason we are unhappy and stressed and lacking love, we look to the outside world. We search for satisfaction through material objects – clothes, shoes, cars, houses, food, and sex. We chose to drink, do drugs, blame others, read self help books, to the doctor for pills – all quick fixes for the unsettling feelings within. And yet when we see the news and the condition of the world and deeply desire it to change for the better we continue to point fingers outward. Governments, unions, ruling bodies, rich people, neighbors, friends, and family are the reasons why the world is the way the world is.

I disagree in pointing the blame outward. We must be the change we wish to see in the world and this statement is the first clue in discovering the origination of the current world’s conditions. It is up to us. We are the cause; you could say our moral compass has slipped over the generations. The ego within has taken over and the ‘I’ or ‘Me’ is much more important. To love in today’s terms is to love oneself selfishly. What can I get out of this relationship? If it is hard then I can leave and find another. What can this job give me? It is all about me, it has to be easy for me.

Partly to blame for this rise in the ‘me culture’ is the decline of religion as a strong influential force on defining love. In the past you loved because it was what God called you to do – to love one another, to share and raise a family, to know God through love. Loving was attached to something much greater than you. In today’s society we have lost the root through which we define love and are left to our own human devices to seek meaning and define it individually. We create a type of society constantly in situations where we seek external satisfaction at any cost to cure our unsettling feelings inside. We strive to attain a cure for the “me” culture at the expense of the world. Our environments, communities, neighbors and families suffer.

To change the world we must turn within and ask ourselves some hard questions. Why do I feel stressed and overwhelmed? Why do I blame others around me for the way I feel? How can I change my mind to see the good that is in my life? Why am I focused on the bad? How do I start treating myself gently, healing my emotions, understanding the turmoil that lies unresolved within me? How can I expect the world to be peaceful if I am not living peacefully?

I have seen the shift many times in my life coaching practice. Once we take a serious look personally at how we are treating ourselves in our own mind and choose to love, we realize that we have more energy to share love with our families our neighbors and our communities through acts of kindness and gratitude. A ripple effect occurs. Instead of wanting your partner to change in a difficult relationship you change within – your attitudes and beliefs. Instead of adding to the pain your hear your own and the relationship changes and heals. From there your perspective on the community you live in changes – you being to live in gratitude and share this new love with your neighbors through acts of kindness or charity. One act of loving kindness has the power to change a life forever.

Every year at Christmas, hope, faith and love are the repeated theme. With wars raging around the world through the holidays this year, I think we need to ask the question seriously – how do we create lasting change in the world? I truly believe Gandhi had is right – we must start within – create the ripple effect that is felt around the world.

Cutting ties…

My Mind erases all the past
it crumbles away like day olds

Free I am
Free I’ll be
Healing is me now

Strong tall and straight
I stand
The Future holds me
in high regard

Much to do
Many yet to love
Messages yet to be delivered

Love flows through & as me
I transform before my eyes

My truth shines
Deep within it once hid
Radiating a new shade of happiness

I am free
I set myself free

(c) 2009 Tammy Younker

Life’s Little Favorite Things

We all have bad days, and we all have good days but what I have found to be perfect in changing a bad day or a so-so day into a great day is a freshly picked handful of raspberries.  It is one of the tiniest things that brings me such great pleasure.   The world goes away for a moment or two and life is perfect, still and silent.  It is one of the rare moments where I can BE present.

The next of life’s little things is….. wait for it….. a finely crafted cupcake.  Prepare yourself!  What you are about to see below is LoVE for me……  I think I have fallen in love….

What sounds better than a lemon pound cake beautifully topped with raspberry butter cream icing and a perfectly placed black berry of mother natures best???

Yes… perhaps…. a little over board…. in love with a cupcake, but alas, the joy I get from savouring every last crumb makes ANY day fabulous!

I think we spend so much time not loving the little things – my dear friend today shared that her most joyful/spiritual moments where the times she was child like – frolicking at the beach, making mud pies, laughing till you ache.  I agree with her.

As we get older and ‘life’ picks us up into the whurl wind, take a look around and find those child like, silly little things that bring you joy.  Embrace your inner child and take her out for a mud pie… or better yet a cupcake.

Live life…..with a little icing on top

Acceptance

“When we superimpose our ’stories’ upon what is beautiful, fear happens.  Then we question what we believe about reality.  To argue with reality, I argue with God….. and I always lose.”

Byron Katie

Only Human post 2

which way to go?
the darkness within haunts me
wrapped up in my head
crippled by the thoughts

feeling lost alone and isolated
only way out is through the storm
through the darkness

Not wanting to be swallowed whole
i linger on the shore
looking for a clear day

cliff behind, waves before me
all the while Peace looks back at me
as i look out over the waves

Am i ready to swim?
doubt i am strong enough
will the surf crash me against the rocks?
will the water be cold?
will it spit me out like a limp fish?

kisses from the wind
encourage me on
like the embrace of an angel

skeletons of those who have gone before me
reminds me that not all survive
or wish to…

On the shore casting my fears aside
moving forward not wanting to look down

run..
free
be me…
keep looking ahead

waist deep
weeds entangle my legs
ghosts of those before
warning

pleading…. be shore bound..

faint kisses from a distance
urge me to swim
forward
peace ahead like an island
promising rest and reward….

(c) Tammy Younker 2009

Only Human post 1

Your eyes never lie
I see the words behind them
always left out
never letting me in
a wall of thoughts keep us separated

both pleading for more
unable to be real
our lives past & present keep us standing still

Heart aching
wising to speak

pain distance and lost love
Speak your heart…

(c) 2009 Tammy Younker

Good Morning!

Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below

Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song

Must be the sunshine outside today…or could be the fact I woke up this morning singing this song. I’m taking it as a very good sign on how my weekend will go.

Here is my favorite rendition.

Now you can sing along with me.

Happy Saturday,

Ty

The Alchemist

“My Heart Is Afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.” Exerpt: The Alchemist by Paula Coelho

When we travel through life and not listen to the dream in our heart we suffer. We have stress, we have worry, pain, suffering.
With all my clients we travel together to realign with the heart’s dream. Through bravery, support and Faith, we succeed.

Gandhi

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it – always.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

More about Love….

Love…funny thing – Both exhilarating and excruciating.  Has the ability to make one optimistic and at peace with the world.

Joyful of the next meeting – of the anticipation.  Where shall we meet?  Being thrilled at the root.  Sexy, open and ready to love me.

My soul yearns no more.  Mate is here!!  The partner, the lover, the one….together at last.  My mind and heart are one, together we love as one.  Me and me alone is my one true love. 

But we have been together forever, never appreciating one another …taking advantage.

Scowling in the corner.  Hushing.  Glaring.  Punishing.

My head comes to my heart with flowers as an offering.  A grudge in return.

Heart is not ready to love the rest of me.

A note of apology – a million ‘I’m sorries’

Still, Heart holds closed, still patching the bleeding.   Wishing for the Love bleeding to stop.   Sad and scared…but still she beats.

Forgiveness Head asks for….

The lying, the crying, the anger, the abuse, the fear, the mistrust, the arrogance.  Please forgive me.  I live alone without you.  Heart, I bleed with you.  Love is of what  we are both made of.  I ask for forgiveness.  Please trust me to love you.

Heart opens in knowing the Love inside is the true life.  Love always flows.

Head Heart beating, vibrating as one in Love, Trust and Respect.  Love will keep us together.

No one will change the Love we have.  I am one, head and heart, as one, as Tammy, I’m in Love…with Me….finally….